tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-81748682012-01-27T13:06:07.337-08:00Entries from the journal kept in 1745 and 1746 by this young minister to the Indian tribes of Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, and New Jersey.rebeccanoreply@blogger.comBlogger2741100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1162049870127622512006-10-28T08:30:00.000-07:002006-10-28T08:41:26.256-07:00

My soul was this day, at turns, sweetly set on God: I longed to be with him, that I might behold his glory. I felt sweetly disposed to commit all to him, even my dearest friends, my dearest flock, my absent brother, and all my concerns for time and eternity. Oh that his kingdom might come in the world; that they might all love and glorify him, for what he is in himself; and that the blessed

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com90tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1160851024615809322006-10-14T11:29:00.000-07:002006-10-14T11:37:04.616-07:00

I endeavored again to do something by way of writing, but soon found my powers of body and mind utterly fail. Felt not so sweetly as when I was able to do something that I hoped would do some good. In the evening was discomposed and wholly delirious; but it was not long before God was pleased to give me some sleep, and fully composed my mind. Oh, blessed be God for his great goodness to me,

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1160850496392527752006-10-14T11:26:00.000-07:002006-10-14T11:28:16.393-07:00

I was obliged to keep my bed the whole day, through weakness. However, redeemed a little time, and, with the help of my brother, read and corrected about a dozen pages in my MS. giving an account of my conversion.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1160850349087785562006-10-14T11:21:00.000-07:002006-10-14T11:25:49.106-07:00

This was a very comfortable day to my soul; I think I awoke with God. I was enabled to lift up my soul to God early this morning; and while I had little bodily strength, I found freedom to lift up my heart to God for myself and others. Afterwards was pleased with the thoughts of speedily entering into the unseen world.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1160624836009574522006-10-11T20:46:00.000-07:002006-10-11T20:47:16.010-07:00

I felt the sweetness of divine things this forenoon; and had the consolation of a consciousness that I was doing something for God.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1160624745312815762006-10-11T20:40:00.000-07:002006-10-11T20:45:45.326-07:00

This day I was unspeakably weak, and little better than speechless all the day: however, I was able to write a little, and felt comfortably in some part of the day. Oh, it refreshed my soul, to think of former things, of desires to glorify God, of the pleasures of living to him! Oh, my dear God, I am speedily coming to thee, I hope. Hasten the day, O Lord, if it be thy blessed will. Oh come,

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1159892019229799742006-10-03T09:04:00.000-07:002006-10-03T09:13:39.246-07:00

My strength began to fail exceedingly; which looked further as if I had done all my work: however, I had strength to fold and superscribe my letter. About two I went to bed, being weak and much disordered, and lay in a burning fever till night, without any proper rest. In the evening I got up, having lain down some of my clothes; but was in the greatest distress that ever I endured, having an

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1159891411299673712006-10-03T08:57:00.000-07:002006-10-03T09:04:07.043-07:00

I finished my corrections of the little piece before mentioned, and felt uncommonly peaceful; it seemed as if I had now done all my work in this world, and stood ready for my call to a better. As long as I see any thing to be done for God, life is worth having: but oh, how vain and unworthy it is, to live for any lower end! ---- This day I indited a letter, I think, of great importance, to the

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1159381925356764592006-09-27T11:30:00.000-07:002006-09-27T11:32:05.356-07:00

Was again employed in reading and correcting, and had the same success as the day before. I was exceedingly weak; but it seemed to refresh my soul thus to spend time.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1159381803252475662006-09-27T11:27:00.000-07:002006-09-27T11:30:03.253-07:00

I began to correct a little volume of my private writings. God, I believe, remarkably helped me in it; my strength was surprisingly lengthened out, my thoughts were quick and lively, and my soul refreshed, hoping it might be a work for God. Oh, how good, how sweet it is, to labour for God!

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1159381620864973362006-09-27T11:23:00.000-07:002006-09-27T11:27:00.880-07:00

Was still in a sweet and comfortable frame; and was again melted with desires that God might be glorified, and with longings to love and live to him. Longed for the influences of the divine Spirit to descend on ministers, in a special manner. And oh, I longed to be with God, to behold his glory, and to bow in his presence!

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1158942232495122342006-09-22T08:48:00.000-07:002006-09-22T09:23:54.413-07:00

Near night, while I attempted to walk a little, my thought turned thus; 'How infinitely sweet it is, to love God, and be all for him!' Upon which it was suggested to me, 'You are not an angel, not lively and active.' To which my whole soul immediately replied, 'I as sincerely desire to love and glorify God, as any angel in heaven.' Upon which it was suggested again, 'But you are filthy, not

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1158685304413295122006-09-19T09:59:00.000-07:002006-09-19T10:01:44.426-07:00

I was much refreshed and engaged in meditation and writing, and found a heart to act for God. My spirits were refreshed, and my soul delighted to do something for God.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1158600895375060972006-09-18T10:30:00.000-07:002006-09-18T10:34:55.393-07:00

I proceeded further in reading my old private writings, and found they had the same effect upon me as before. I could not but rejoice and bless God for what passed long ago, which without writing had been entirely lost.This evening, when I was in great distress of body, my soul longed that God should be glorified: I saw there was no heaven but this. I could not but speak to the by-standers then

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1158257926644535932006-09-14T11:17:00.000-07:002006-09-14T11:18:46.663-07:00

I began to read some of my private writings, which my brother brought me; and was considerably refreshed with what I met with in them.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1157650802013087262006-09-07T10:31:00.000-07:002006-09-07T10:41:23.670-07:00

This morning I was considerably refreshed with the thought, yea, the hope and expectation of the enlargement of Christ's kingdom; and I could not but hope the time was at hand, when Babylon the great would fall, and rise no more. This led me to some spiritual meditations, that were very refreshing to me. I was unable to attend public worship, either part of the day; but God was pleased to

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1155399007302619962006-08-12T09:07:00.000-07:002006-08-12T09:10:07.316-07:00

Comment from Jonathan Edwards: In his diary for [this day] he speaks of longing desires after death, through a sense of the excellency of a state of perfection.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1154452899986983732006-08-01T10:18:00.000-07:002006-08-01T10:21:40.000-07:00

This day I saw clearly that I should never be happy; yea, that God himself could not make me happy, unless I could be in a capacity to 'please and glorify him for ever.' Take away this, and admit me into all the fine heavens that can be conceived of by men or angels, and I should still be miserable for ever.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1154102221603053792006-07-28T08:57:00.000-07:002006-07-28T08:57:01.636-07:00

I arrived here at North Hampton; having set out from Boston on Monday, about four o'clock, P.M.  In this  journey I rode about sixteen miles a day, one day with another.  Was sometimes extremely tired and faint on the road, so that is seemed impossible for me to proceed any further; at other time I was considerabely better, and felt some freedom both of body and mind.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1153750060952414952006-07-24T06:58:00.000-07:002006-07-24T07:07:41.013-07:00

I was just able to attend public worship, being carried to the house of God in a chaise. Heard Dr. Sewall preach in the forenoon: partook of the Lord's supper at this time. In this sacrament I saw astonishing divine wisdom displayed; such wisdom as I saw required the tongues of angels and glorified saints to celebrate. It seemed to me I never should do any thing at adoring the infinite wisdom

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1153153301747999922006-07-17T09:21:00.000-07:002006-07-17T09:21:41.790-07:00

The next thing I had then to do, was to inquire, whether this was my religion: and here God was pleased to help me to the most easy remembrance and critical review of what had passed in course, of a religious nature, through several of the later years of my life.  And although I could discover much corruption attending my best duties, many selfish views and carnal ends, much spititual pride and

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1152987500145185452006-07-15T11:07:00.000-07:002006-07-15T11:18:20.223-07:00

I saw further, that as this divine temper, whereby the soul exalts God, and treads self in the dust, is wrought in the soul by God's discovering his own glorious perfections in the face of Jesus Christ to it, by the special influences of the Holy Spirit, so he cannot but have regard to it, as his own work; and as it is his image in the soul, he cannot but take delight in it. This I saw again,

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1151850126711655782006-07-02T07:04:00.000-07:002006-07-02T07:22:06.773-07:00

How I was, the first day or two of my illness, with regard to the exercise of reason, I scarcely know; I believe I was somewhat shattered with the violence of the fever, at times: but the third day of my illness, and constantly afterwards, for four or five weeks together, I enjoyed as much serenity of mind, and clearness of thought, as perhaps I ever did in my life; and I think my mind never

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1150744591580327422006-06-19T12:16:00.000-07:002006-06-19T12:17:22.560-07:00

I was taken exceeding ill, and brought to the gates of death, by the breaking of small ulcers in my lungs, as my physician supposed. In this extreme weak state I continued for several weeks, and was frequently reduced so low, as to be utterly speechless, and not able so much as to whisper a word; and even after I had so far revived, as to walk about the house, and to step out of doors, I was

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1150402386498239102006-06-15T13:10:00.000-07:002006-06-15T13:13:06.500-07:00

This, and the two preceding days, I spent mainly in visiting the minsters of the town, and was treated with great respect by them.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1150402193677590842006-06-15T13:02:00.001-07:002006-06-15T13:09:53.676-07:00

I arrived in Boston this day, somewhat fatigued with my journey. Observed that there is no rest, but in God; fatigues of body, and anxieties of mind, attend us, both in town and country; no place is exempted.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1150402011299570272006-06-15T13:02:00.000-07:002006-06-15T13:06:51.350-07:00

I set out on a journey from Northampton to Boston. Travelled slowly, and got some acquaintance with divers ministers on the road.Having now continued to ride for some considerable time together, I felt myself much better than I had formerly done; and found, that in proportion to the prospect I had of being restored to a state of usefulness, so I desired the continuance of life; but death

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1150175360191321382006-06-12T21:57:00.000-07:002006-06-12T22:09:20.253-07:00

My attention was greatly engaged, and my soul do drawn forth, this day, by what I heard of the 'exceeding preciousness of the saving grace of God's Spirit,' that it almost overcame my body, in my weak state. I saw, that true grace is exceeding precious indeed; that is is very rare; and that ther is but a very small degree of it, even where the reality of it is to be found; at least, I saw this

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1149373447156865562006-06-03T15:19:00.000-07:002006-06-03T15:24:07.166-07:00

I had little inward sweetness in religion most of the week past; not realizing and beholding spiritually the glory of God, and the blessed Redeemer; from whence always arise my comforts and joys in religion, if I have any at all: and if I cannot so behold the excellencies and perfections of God, as to cause me to rejoice in him for what he is in himself, I have no solid foundation for joy. To

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1148517342784491702006-05-24T17:28:00.000-07:002006-05-24T17:35:42.786-07:00

[At Long Meadow in Springfield] Could not but think, as I have often remarked to others, that much more of true religion consists in deep humility, brokenness of heart, and an abasing sense of barrenness and want of grace and holiness, than most who are called Christians imagine; especially those who have been esteemed the converts of the late day. Many seem to know of no other religion but

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1148012964738165062006-05-18T21:18:00.000-07:002006-05-24T17:28:32.446-07:00

[At Millington] Spent the forenoon at home, being unable to attend the public worship. At this time, God gave me some affecting sense of my own vileness and the exceeding sinfulness of my heart; that there seemed to be nothing but sin and corruption within me. "Innumerable evils compassed me about:" my want of spirituality and holy living, my neglect of God, and living to myself. --All the

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1147283530069695642006-05-10T10:42:00.000-07:002006-05-10T10:52:10.153-07:00

(At Had-Lime) I could not but feel some measure of gratitude to God at this time (wherein I was mcuh exercised,) that he had always disposed me, in my ministry, to insist on the great doctrines of regeneration, the new creature, faith in Christ, progressive santification, supreme love to God, living entirely to the glory of God, being not our own, and the like. God thus helped me to see, in the

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1145905485593289032006-04-24T12:01:00.001-07:002006-04-24T12:04:45.593-07:00

I set out on my journey for New England, in order (ir it might be the will of God) to recover my health by riding; travelled to New York, and there lodged.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1145905379454993462006-04-24T12:01:00.000-07:002006-04-24T12:02:59.456-07:00

Was in a very disordered state, and kept my bed most of the day. I enjoyed a little more comfort than in several of the preceding days. This day I arrived at the age of twenty-nine years.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1145905258939233632006-04-24T11:49:00.001-07:002006-04-24T12:00:58.940-07:00

In the evening could not but think that God helped me to 'draw near to the throne of grace,' though most unworthy, and gave me a sense of his favour; which gave me inexpressible support and encouragement. Though I scarcely dared to hope the mercy was real, it appeared so great; yet could not but rejoice that ever God should discover his reconciled face to such a vile sinner. Shame and confusion,

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1145904748952158482006-04-24T11:49:00.000-07:002006-04-24T11:52:28.966-07:00

Was in bitter anguish of soul in the morning, such as I have scarce ever felt, with a sense of sin and guilt. I continued in distress the whole day, attempting to pray wherever I went; and indeed could not help so doing: but looked upon myself so vile, I dared not look any body in the face; and was even grieved that any body should show me any respect, or at least that they should be so deceived

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1145380920910181632006-04-18T10:16:00.000-07:002006-04-18T10:22:00.910-07:00

Found some freedom at the throne of grace several times this day. In the afternoon was very weak, and spent the time to very little purpose; and yet in the evening had, I thought, some religious warmth and spiritual desires in prayer: my soul deemed to go forth after God, and take complacence in his diving perfections. But alas! afterwards awfully let down my watch, and grew careless and secure.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1145380552258012192006-04-18T10:07:00.001-07:002006-04-18T10:15:52.260-07:00

Was able to do little or nothing; spent some time with Mr. Byram and other friends. This day my brother went to my people.**It was David Brainerd's own brother John who took over his congregation for him when he was too ill to be with them.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1145380162206219552006-04-18T10:07:00.000-07:002006-04-18T10:09:22.216-07:00

Assisted in examining my brother. In the evening, was in a solemn devout frame; but was much overdone and oppressed with a violent head-ache.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1144783487675027272006-04-11T12:21:00.000-07:002006-04-11T12:24:47.676-07:00

Spent the forenoon is Presbyterial business: in the afternoon rode to Elizabeth-town; found my brother John there: spent some time in conversation with him; but was extremely weak and outdone, my spirits considerably sunk, and my mind dejected.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1144783239453547922006-04-11T12:17:00.000-07:002006-04-11T12:20:39.476-07:00

Attended the ordination of Mr. Tucker, and afterwards the examination of Mr. Smith: was in a comfortable frame of mind this day, and felt my heart, I think, sometimes in a spiritual frame.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1144511762316097422006-04-08T08:48:00.000-07:002006-04-08T08:56:58.310-07:00

In the afternoon rode to Newark in order to marry the Reverend Mr. Dickinson*; and in the evening performed that work. Afterwards rode home to Elizabeth-town, in a pleasant frame, full of composure and sweetness.*Jonathan Edwards notes the Reverand Dickinson was "a pious young gentleman; who lived in the ministry but a very short time: he died at Stratfield in Connecticut" the following December

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1144511284618299502006-04-08T08:35:00.000-07:002006-04-08T08:48:04.716-07:00

It grieved me to find myself so inconceivably barren. My soul thirsted for grace; but alas, how far was I from obtaining what appeared to me so exceedingly excellent! I was ready to despair of ever being a holy creature, and yet my soul was desirous of following hard after God; but never did I see myself so far from having apprehended, or being already perfect, as at this time. The Lord's

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1144510480529278192006-04-08T08:28:00.001-07:002006-04-08T08:34:40.543-07:00

Was sunk and dejected, very restless and uneasy, by reason of the misimprovement of time; and yet knew not what to do. I longed to spend time in fasting and prayer, that I might be delivered from indolence and coldness in the things of God; but, alas, I had not bodily strength for these exercises! Oh, how blessed a thing it is to enjoy peace of conscience! but how dreadful is a want of inward

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1144033226313218722006-04-02T19:52:00.000-07:002006-04-02T20:00:26.326-07:00

Was taken this morning with violent griping pains. These pains were extreme and constant for several hours; so that it seemed impossible for me, without a miracle, to live twenty-four hours in such distress. I lay confined to my bed the whole day, and in distressing pain all the former part of it; but it pleased God to bless means for the abatement of my distress. Was exceedingly weakened by

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com54tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1143056287975993132006-03-22T11:27:00.002-08:002006-03-22T11:41:07.616-08:00

On Friday morning I rose early, walked about among my people, and inquired into their state and concerns; and found an additional weight and burden on my spirit, upon hearing some things disagreeable. I endeavoured to go to God with my distresses, and made some kind of lamentable complaint; and in a broken manner spread my difficulties before God; but notwithstanding, my mind continued very

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1143055732069220482006-03-22T11:27:00.001-08:002006-03-22T11:28:52.080-08:00

Rode out with a design to visit my people; and the next day arrived among them, but was under great dejection in my journey.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1142528407319701342006-03-16T08:57:00.000-08:002006-03-16T09:00:07.333-08:00

Was able again to attend the public worship, and felt some earnest desires of being restored to the ministerial work: felt, I think, some spirit and life to speak for God.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1142108982242281852006-03-11T12:25:00.000-08:002006-03-11T12:29:42.253-08:00

Being kept in Elizabeth-town as a day of fasting and prayer, I was able to attend public worship; which was the first time I was able so to do after December 21. Oh how much weakness and distress did God carry me through in this space of time! But having obtained help from him, I yet live: Oh that I could live more to his glory!

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1141534174400481492006-03-04T20:44:00.000-08:002006-03-04T20:49:34.413-08:00

I met with reproof from a friend, which, although I thought I did not deserve it from him, yet was, I trust, blessed of God to make me more tenderly afraid of sin, more jealous over myself, and more concerned to keep both heart and life pure and unblamable. It likewise caused me to reflect on my past deadness, and want of spirituality, and to abhor myself, and look on myself as most unworthy.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1141230271239985112006-03-01T08:20:00.000-08:002006-03-01T08:24:31.263-08:00

Was visited by an Indian of my own congregation; who bought me letters, and good news of the sober and good behaviour of my people in general. This refreshed my soul; I could not but soon retire, and bless God for his goodness; and found, I trust, a truly thankful frame of spirit, that God seemed to be building up that congregation for himself.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1140902079076020102006-02-25T13:11:00.000-08:002006-02-25T13:15:02.140-08:00

I was able to ride as far as Newark, (having been confined within Elizabeth-town almost four months,) and the next day returned to Elizabeth-town. My spirits were somewhat refreshed with the ride, though my body was weary.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1140025163579634642006-02-15T09:33:00.000-08:002006-02-15T09:39:23.603-08:00

And as I recovered some strength, vigour, and spirit, I found at times some freedom and life in the exercise of devotion, and some longings after spirituality and a life of usefulness to the interests of the great Redeemer. At other times I was awfully barren and lifeless, and out of frame for the things of God; so that I was ready often to cry out, 'Oh that it were with me as in months past!'

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1138812904914393292006-02-01T08:45:00.000-08:002006-02-01T08:55:04.983-08:00

Though in a very weak and low state, I enjoyed a considerable deal of comfort and sweetness in divine things; and was enabled to plead and use arguments with God in prayer, I think, with a childlike spirit. That passage of Scripture occured to my mind, and gave me great assistance, "If ye, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1136436250188729452006-01-05T20:33:00.000-08:002006-01-05T20:45:41.860-08:00

Some signs of godliness.The distinquishing marks of a true Christian, taken from one of my old manuscripts; where I wrote as I felt and experienced, and not from any considerable degree of doctrinal knowledge, or acquaintance with the sentiments of other in this point.1. He has a true knowledge of the glory and excellency of God, that he is most worthy to be love and praised for his own divine

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1136435375629982152006-01-04T20:23:00.000-08:002006-01-04T20:52:26.656-08:00

David Brainerd writes: After this, having perhaps taken some cold, I began to decline as to bodily health; and continued to do so, till the latter end of January, 1747. Having a violent cough, a considerable fever, an asthmatic disorder, and no appetite for any manner of food, nor any power of digestion, I was reduced to so low a state, that my friends, I believe, generally despaired of my life,

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1134260799030932852005-12-21T16:19:00.000-08:002005-12-22T07:32:09.460-08:00

At which time I went to the public worship; and it being sacrament day, I laboured much at the Lord’s table, to bring forth a certain corruption, and have it slain, as being an enemy to God and my own soul; and could not but hope, that I had gained some strength against this, as well as other corruptions; and felt some brokenness of heart for my sin.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1134260464706511702005-12-10T16:19:00.000-08:002005-12-10T16:21:04.716-08:00

To his brother Israel, then a student at Yale college, New Haven. DEAR BROTHER, I HAD determined to make you and my other friends in New England a visit this fall: partly from an earnest desire I had to see you and them, and partly with a view to the recovery of my health; which has, for more than three months past, been much impaired. And in order to prosecute this design, I set out from my own

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1133552275613710882005-12-02T11:37:00.000-08:002005-12-02T11:37:55.623-08:00

I had revived so far as to be able to walk abroad, and visit friends, and seemed to be on the gaining hand with regard to my health, in the main...

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1132859682112779472005-11-24T11:12:00.000-08:002005-11-24T11:15:19.396-08:00

After this comfortable thanksgiving-season, I frequently enjoyed freedom, enlargement, and engagedness of soul in prayer, and was enabled to intercede with God for my dear congregation, very often for every family, and every person, in particular. It was often a great comfort to me, that I could pray heartily to God for those, to whom I could not speak, and whom I was not allowed to see. But at

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1132249316355416712005-11-17T09:41:00.000-08:002005-11-17T09:41:56.366-08:00

After this, for near a week, I was confined to my chamber, and most of the time to my bed: and then so far revived as to be able to walk about the house; but was still confined within doors. In the beginning of this extraordinary turn of disorder, after my coming to Elizabeth-town, I was enabled through mercy to maintain a calm, composed, and patient spirit, as I had been before from the

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1131324913125816492005-11-06T16:53:00.000-08:002005-11-07T22:29:20.123-08:00

Rode to Elizabeth-town; intending as soon as possible to prosecute my journey into New England. But was, in an hour or two after my arrival, taken much worse.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1131324853551496362005-11-06T16:52:00.000-08:002005-11-06T16:54:23.720-08:00

Rode to Woodbridge, and lodged with Mr. Pierson; continuing a weak state.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1131128948639164992005-11-04T10:28:00.000-08:002005-11-04T10:29:17.646-08:00

Being now in so weak and low a state, that I was utterly incapable of performing my work, and having little hope of recovery, unless by much riding, I thought it my duty to take a long journey into New England, and to divert myself among my friends, whom I had not now seen for a long time. And accordingly took leave of my congregation this day.--Before I left my people, I visited them all in

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1130994829741947922005-11-02T21:13:00.000-08:002005-11-02T21:13:59.280-08:00

Was unable to preach, and scarcely able to sit up, the whole day. Was grieved, and almost sunk, to see my poor people destitute of the means of grace; especially considering they could not read, and so were under great disadvantages for spending the sabbath comfortably. Oh, me thought, I could be contented to be sick, if my poor flock had a faithful pastor to feed them with spiritual knowledge! A

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1130868978282598672005-11-01T10:16:00.000-08:002005-11-01T10:16:18.296-08:00

Took leave of friends after having spent the forenoon with them, and returned home to my own house. Was much disordered in the evening, and oppressed with my cough; which has now been constant for a long time, with a hard pain in my breast, and fever.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1130783074643586272005-10-31T10:24:00.000-08:002005-10-31T10:24:34.656-08:00

Spent the day among friends, in a comfortable frame of mind, though exceeding weak, and under a considerable fever.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1130695412892976062005-10-30T10:03:00.000-08:002005-10-30T10:03:32.893-08:00

Rode three or four miles, to visit Mr. Wales: spent some time, in an agreeable manner, in conversation; and though extremely weak, enjoyed a comfortable, composed frame of mind.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1130695371769590072005-10-30T10:01:00.000-08:002005-10-30T10:02:51.780-08:00

Rode about ten miles with my friends that came yesterday to see me; and then parted with them all but one, who stayed on purpose to keep me company, and cheer my spirits. Was extremely weak, and very feverish, especially towards night; but enjoyed comfort and satisfaction.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1130540825088873862005-10-28T16:06:00.000-07:002005-10-28T16:07:05.100-07:00

Rode to Prince-town, in a very weak state: had such a violent fever, by the way, that I was forced to alight at a friend’s house, and lie down for some time. Near night was visited by Mr. Treat, Mr. Beaty and his wife, and another friend: my spirits were refreshed to see them; but I was surprised, and even ashamed, that they had taken so much pains as to ride thirty or forty miles to see me. Was

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1130466124059947242005-10-27T19:21:00.000-07:002005-10-27T19:22:04.073-07:00

Spent the day in overseeing and directing the Indians about mending the fence round their wheat: was able to walk with them, and contrive their business, all the forenoon. In the afternoon was visited by two dear friends, and spent some time in conversation with them. Towards night I was able to walk out, and take care of the Indians again. In the evening enjoyed a very peaceful frame.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1130375251791827342005-10-26T18:07:00.000-07:002005-10-26T18:07:31.803-07:00

In the morning was exceeding weak: spent the day, till near night, in pain to see my poor people wandering as sheep not having a shepherd, waiting and hoping to see me able to preach to them before night. It could not but distress me to see them in this case, and to find myself unable to attempt any thing for their spiritual benefit. But towards night, finding myself a little better, I called

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1130260483926373742005-10-25T10:13:00.000-07:002005-10-25T10:15:52.663-07:00

Visited some of my people; spent some time in writing, and felt much better in body than usual. When it was near night, I felt so well, that I had thoughts of expounding: but in the evening was much disordered again, and spent the night in coughing, and spitting blood.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1130175072407509752005-10-24T10:30:00.000-07:002005-10-24T10:31:12.406-07:00

Spent the day in overseeing and directing my people about mending their fence, and securing their wheat. Found that all their concerns of a secular nature depended upon me.--Was somewhat refreshed in the evening, having been able to do something valuable in the day-time. Oh, how it pains me to see time pass away, when I can do nothing to any purpose!

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1130175027844503282005-10-24T10:28:00.000-07:002005-10-24T10:30:27.850-07:00

Went to my own house, and set things in order. Was very weak, and somewhat melancholy: laboured to do something, but had no strength; and was forced to lie down on my bed, very solitary.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1129824767292657752005-10-20T09:10:00.000-07:002005-10-20T09:12:47.296-07:00

Was scarcely able to do any thing at all in the week past, except that on Thursday I rode out about four miles; at which time I took cold. As I was able to do little or nothing, so I enjoyed not much spirituality, or lively religious affection; though at some times I longed much to be more fruitful and full of heavenly affection; and was grieved to see the hours slide away, while I could do

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1129220315224997292005-10-13T09:18:00.000-07:002005-10-13T09:18:45.286-07:00

Was scarce able to sit up in the forenoon: in the afternoon attended public worship, and was in a composed, comfortable frame.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1129093570343378252005-10-11T22:05:00.000-07:002005-10-11T22:06:10.350-07:00

Towards night was seized with an ague, which was followed with a hard fever, and considerable pain: was treated with great kindness, and was ashamed to see so much concern about so unworthy a creature, as I knew myself to be. Was in a comfortable frame of mind, wholly submissive, with regard to life or death. It was indeed a peculiar satisfaction to me, to think, that it was not my concern or

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1128613283531960002005-10-06T08:40:00.000-07:002005-10-06T08:41:23.540-07:00

Was still very weak; and in the morning considerably afraid I should not be able to go through the work of the day; having much to do, both in private and public. Discoursed before the administration of the sacrament, from John i. 29. ‘Behold the Lamb of God, that taketh away the sin of the world.’ Where I considered, I. In what respects Christ is called the Lamb of God: and observed that he is

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1128446160879649632005-10-04T10:15:00.000-07:002005-10-04T10:16:00.883-07:00

Spent the former part of this week under a great degree of infirmity and disorder, as I had done several weeks before: was able, however, to ride a little every day, although unable to sit up half the day, till Thursday. Took some care daily of some persons at work upon my house. On Friday afternoon found myself wonderfully revived and strengthened; and having some time before given notice to my

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1128053623750122352005-09-29T21:13:00.000-07:002005-10-04T10:13:59.346-07:00

Yesterday, and to-day, was in the same weak state, or rather weaker than in days past; was scarce able to sit up half the day. Was in a composed frame of mind, remarkably free from dejection and melancholy damps; as God has been pleased, in a great measure, to deliver me from these unhappy glooms, in the general course of my present weakness hitherto, and also from a peevish, forward spirit. And

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1127926589147985452005-09-28T09:56:00.000-07:002005-09-28T09:56:29.146-07:00

Rode to my people; and, though under much weakness, attempted to preach from 2 Cor. xiii. 5. ‘Examine yourselves,’ &c. Discoursed about half an hour; at which season divine power seemed to attend the word: but being extremely weak, I was obliged to desist: and after a turn of faintness, with much difficulty rode to my lodgings; where betaking myself to my bed, I lay in a burning fever, and almost

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1127926519783892802005-09-28T09:54:00.000-07:002005-09-28T09:55:19.796-07:00

Spent this day, as well as the whole week past, under a great degree of bodily weakness, exercised with a violent cough, and a considerable fever. I had no appetite to any kind of food; and frequently brought up what I ate, as soon as it was down; and oftentimes had little rest in my bed by reason of pains in my breast and back. I was able, however, to ride over to my people about two miles every

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1127319204273177712005-09-21T09:13:00.000-07:002005-09-21T09:13:24.280-07:00

I was so weak I could not preach, nor pretend to ride over to my people in the forenoon. In the afternoon rode out; sat in my chair, and discoursed to my people from Rom. xiv. 7, 8. ‘For none of us liveth to himself,’ &c. I was strengthened and helped in my discourse; and there appeared something agreeable in the assembly. I returned to my lodgings extremely tired; but thankful that I had been

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1127233577553505272005-09-20T09:25:00.000-07:002005-09-20T09:26:17.553-07:00

Arrived among my own people, just at night: found them praying together; went in, and gave them some account of God’s dealings with me and my companions in the journey; which seemed affecting to them. I then prayed with them, and thought the divine presence was amongst us; divers were melted into tears, and seemed to have a sense of divine things. Being very weak, I was obliged soon to repair to

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1127233507985622322005-09-20T09:24:00.000-07:002005-09-20T09:25:23.293-07:00

Rode from Mr. Treat’s to Mr. Stockston’s at Prince-town: was extremely weak, but kindly received and entertained. Spent the evening with some degree of satisfaction.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1127058897906727222005-09-18T08:54:00.001-07:002005-09-18T08:54:57.906-07:00

Went from Philadelphia to Mr. Treat’s: was agreeably entertained on the road: and was in a sweet, composed frame, in the evening.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1127058524478047952005-09-18T08:48:00.000-07:002005-09-18T08:48:44.493-07:00

Rode into Philadelphia. Still very weak, and my cough and spitting of blood continued. Enjoyed some agreeable conversation with friends, but wanted more spirituality.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1126883656427847532005-09-16T08:14:00.000-07:002005-09-16T08:14:16.426-07:00

Continued still at my friend’s house, about twenty-five miles westward of Philadelphia. Was very weak, unable to perform any business, and scarcely able to sit up.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1126883598691680502005-09-16T08:13:00.000-07:002005-09-16T08:13:28.186-07:00

Spent the whole day in concert with Mr. Treat, in endeavours to compose a difference, subsisting between certain persons in the congregation where we now were; and there seemed to be a blessing on our endeavours. In the evening baptized a child: was in a calm, composed frame, and enjoyed, I trust, a spiritual sense of divine things, while administering the ordinance. Afterwards spent the time in

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1126883565049759912005-09-16T08:12:00.000-07:002005-09-16T08:12:45.050-07:00

At the desire of Mr. Treat and the people, I preached both parts of the day (but short) from Luke xiv. 23. ‘And the Lord said unto the servant, go out,’ &c. God gave me some freedom and warmth in my discourse; and, I trust, helped me in some measure to labour in singleness of heart. Was much tired in the evening, but was comforted with the most tender treatment I ever met with in my life. My mind

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1126883512425297462005-09-16T08:11:00.001-07:002005-09-16T08:11:52.430-07:00

Was still agreeably entertained with christian friendship, and all things necessary for my weak circumstances. In the afternoon heard Mr. Treat preach; and was refreshed in conversation with him in the evening.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1126590191755753472005-09-12T22:42:00.000-07:002005-09-12T22:43:11.763-07:00

Rode about fifty miles; and came just at night to a christian friend’s house, about twenty-five miles westward from Philadelphia. Was courteously received, and kindly entertained, and found myself much refreshed in the midst of my weakness and fatigues.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1126477975906148552005-09-11T15:32:00.000-07:002005-09-11T15:32:55.906-07:00

Rode homeward; but was very weak, and sometimes scarce able to ride. Had a very importunate invitation to preach at a meeting-house I came by, the people being then gathering; but could not, by reason of weakness. Was resigned and composed under my weakness; but was much exercised with concern for my companions in travel, whom I had left with much regret, some lame, and some sick.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1126477937369102922005-09-11T15:31:00.000-07:002005-09-11T15:32:17.370-07:00

Rode near twenty miles homeward. Was much solicited to preach, but was utterly unable, through bodily weakness. Was extremely overdone with the heat and showers this day, and coughed up a considerable quantity of blood.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1126477882519582452005-09-11T15:30:00.000-07:002005-09-11T15:31:34.310-07:00

Rode down the river near thirty miles. Was extremely weak, much fatigued, and wet with a thunder-storm. Discoursed with some warmth and closeness to some poor ignorant souls, on the life and power of religion; what were, and what were not, the evidences of it. They seemed much astonished when they saw my Indians ask a blessing and give thanks at dinner; concluding that a very high evidence of

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1126477793958213042005-09-11T15:29:00.000-07:002005-09-11T15:30:07.736-07:00

Spent the forenoon among the Indians; in the afternoon left Shaumoking, and returned down the river a few miles. Had proposed to have tarried a considerable time longer among the Indians upon Susquehannah; but was hindered from pursuing my purpose by the sickness that prevailed there, the weakly circumstances of my own people that were with me, and especially my own extraordinary weakness, having

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1126477730754551002005-09-11T15:28:00.000-07:002005-09-11T15:28:50.756-07:00

Was much in the same weak state of body, and afflicted frame of mind, as in the preceding day: my soul was grieved, and mourned that I could do nothing for God. Read and expounded some part of God’s word to my own dear family, and spent some time in prayer with them; discoursed also a little to the pagans: but spent the sabbath with a little comfort.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1126477615441566422005-09-11T15:26:00.001-07:002005-09-11T15:27:15.270-07:00

Spent the day in a very weak state; coughing and spitting blood, and having little appetite to any food I had with me: was able to do very little, except discourse a while of divine things to my own people, and to some few I met with. Had, by this time, very little life or heart to speak for God, through feebleness of body, and flatness of spirits. Was scarcely ever more ashamed and confounded in

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8174868.post-1126141510082790352005-09-07T18:04:00.000-07:002005-09-07T18:05:10.083-07:00

Was exceeding weak, so that I could scarcely ride; it seemed sometimes as if I must fall off from my horse, and lie in the open woods: however, got to Shaumoking towards night: felt something of a spirit of thankfulness, that God had so far returned me: was refreshed to see one of my Christians, whom I left here in my late excursion.

rebeccanoreply@blogger.com0